I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
