When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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