They should really pass out barf bags in church
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
