If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
