Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
