Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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