Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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