Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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