I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
