I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
vagina is talking i cant
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
