Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize