Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
