When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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