i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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