Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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