life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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