omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
