I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
