I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
