see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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