My friends, they love my intelligence
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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