i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize