You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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