Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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