Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
