She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
