How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize