"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
