he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
