he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's never too late to be topless.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
