I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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