i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
