I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
