I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
