People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
