If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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