I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
