the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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