Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
