How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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