FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize