walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
