The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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