look no pants
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
