I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
