I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
