my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
