Someone shit on the floor
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
