she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
