We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
