i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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