I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
