youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
