**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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