she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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