ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
