I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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