She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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