One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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