I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
