Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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