An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
