I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
