sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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