Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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